A long one. as the short is too sad.

Gahhhh.
I feel a bit lost day by day. I feel like I don't even know myself anymore despite everyone keep on saying, no one knows you better than yourself. truthfully, I have no idea what am I gonna do after I finished my study. seriously. Next month I'll be taking my master. Which gonna take me at least 2 years. By that time, if I'm still alive, I'll be 25. wow. feel so old yet still immature.

From the idea of being a fashion designer to a journalist to a what now? I declined an offer to be part of a t TV station for my master. which make me wonder, why did i turn it down? yeah, I remember, working in a sales department for a month really torture me. I never write about my working days. Cos I hate it so much. I woke up at 6 am, reach the office around 8.15am and I supposed to go back at 5.30pm. But my manager is a bit..........strict. So, I had to finish my fax out to 15 clients before going back. Fax out means I need to email my brochure to 15 clients. sounds so easy but I am doing telemarketing. I talked to CEOs, Managers, Head of Departments even once spoke to Directors from India just to email my brochure to them. I think talking to them is not difficult, but when you are being monitored on every word you speak, its kinda annoying.

 In my team, there is one person who I have no idea what is wrong with her. I have few cheerful friends, but none is as perky as her. I can deal with cheerful but perky? GOD. She is a senior which I understand why she felt that its her responsibility to advice me (she love to used the word 'would you advised me who is the_______') whenever I speak to a future client. At first, I thought maybe I'm the only one who had this feeling until one of my close friend work at the same team with me mentioned the same thing. We always make fun of her on the way home and laugh like hell. As for my manager, he is pretty strict. There was one time where I went home at 7pm from the office and arrived at 11.30pm. And then you need to do your own research and find at least 200 contacts everyday. So I usually sleep at 2-3am. Yeah. Everyday.

After much nagging and bragging, I wait for my paychecks and decided to quit. Which turn out to be quite sad. After sending my resignation letter, there is no more heavy weight on my shoulder. I feel so happy and relieve. I still remember that happiness. It was the reason why I choose to pursue my study. No wonder there is so many working class people suffers from multiple stressed.

I know that some of you might disagree with my decision. Why did I choose to study over working. For me, there is no point in working if I am not having fun in it. I am being choosy because I do not want to turn to some adult who work for money. I wanna work for fun. For pleasure. Based from the people I have meet, people who work because they love the job tend to look healthier and younger. That is the reason why. I truly hope I can still work at any TV stations after I finished my study. Perhaps as a translator or a script writer. Insyallah. Pray for me :)